this busy, crazy season, that is the holiday's. We are only on day 5 of December and I am quite simply exhausted, how sad is that? This weekend kicked off the insane agenda with too much to do and never enough hours to do it. Was it all necessary? of course not....and yet to try to decide what to eliminate seems impossible and so we just simply try to do it all.
I thought I was done Christmas shopping, actually I was done by the middle of October, but as is life we were sent a few curve balls, this go round in the way of new kids, so naturally some Christmas shopping was needed for them...and you know how much I love to shop in crowds....and since my 12 hour workday doesn't pencil in much time for a trip to Mankato, that left the weekend, Saturday, even better yet....and of course we had 4 of the kids with us...don't ask, it really wasn't pretty. Did I accomplish my mission? of course not, which (I shudder here) will require another trip...oh joy!
We seemed to have settled into a routine of sorts here, still adjusting to life with 5 little people under the age of 5, plus balancing the needs of the 3 older children. Last weekend we had respite which added two more into that mix.Next weekend we will add another, just for weekends, I guess in some strange way I am just used to those numbers....adjusting has not always been the smoothest road, but certainly it has been quite hilarious at times. So I guess I forget the picture we must present when we head out into the public if you will... ( I will never get used to the stares, for a person most comfortable blending into the wall this is truly a test for me) and often I am just simply distracted keeping track of everyone that I just don't notice people's reactions. And trust me the reactions are quite varied, from horror to disbelief, to every now and again pretty rude comments, some people will simply ask, "why do you have all these children?" I admire them. Others just stare, coming to their own conclusions... some will whisper amongst themselves, forgetting that just because a person is surrounded by children doesn't mean she has lost her hearing, actually the opposite is the case, my hearing is very strong, it has to be with little people around :) I really just try to find the humor in their speculating. (yes I do know what birth control is, no i never planned my life this way, yes I do know how to say no, but when faced with the decision to split a family or take the whole family unit, I have yet to be able to say yes to that, waiting for someone to show me how to do that, let's not even touch on the comments referencing that some of the children we have are not white, I simply choose to believe that the person making such comments does not realize how ignorant they sound and I try to forgive them.) Sunday at church I was approached by someone who said, " when I saw the Haycraft's approaching the communion rail I just smiled" (always glad to add humor to people's life) then she said "and you just kept coming and coming and I counted once than again, and then asked my husband how many kids do they have and when he said 7 I realized I had counted correctly" I then said well actually there were 8, she looked puzzled for a moment and then said "Oh! I didn't count Cassandra since she is an original" that made me laugh "yes she truly is an original" that stuck with me, I've always been hesitant to distinguish these are our children these are foster care, simply because foster kids already have enough burden to carry, separating them out even more serves no purpose...and yet how does one reference all these children... I like the term "the original three"...what she said next startled me (guess this is where I simply don't notice the picture we paint, again simply trying to live my life) "it brought tears to my eyes she said to see you with all those little people, you are just amazing" whoa,that was awkward and how does one answer that? no clue, (I found myself wondering if she would still be so impressed if you could see us at bedtime, or during the two year old meltdown, or the 18 year old attitude, sometimes called seniouitis.) we don't do anything spectacular, we just simply do what we can, our gifts are in helping kids in need, simple really, there are far too many other people who accomplish far more amazing and wonderful things, things I will never in many lifetimes hope to recreate... giving a child a home and meeting their basic needs, loving them, that is so basic, so simple...not amazing. Puzzled and surprised by her response, knowing that just simply the numbers will cause people to look, and speculate, accepting that it is just the way it is, wondering if I will ever find the "right" answer for some of those comments. I guess what matters most is that I know why we do this, and that is simply enough.
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