Did I know when I said yes to that phone call 4 years ago today, how much my life was going to change? of course not.
I can count on one hand the moments that altered my life in a big way...the birth of my children, my mom's death, getting married. Big moments that shaped and formed my life and me. But that phone call wasn't a big moment, just an ordinary occurrence, perhaps the most un-ordinary thing about it was simply that it happened in the middle of the day rather than the middle of the night.
From that phone call I knew that we were receiving two children a 3 year old and a baby. The baby was diagnosed with Shaken Baby Syndrome and was being released from the hospital that day. I may have had a moments pause as I wondered just what shaken baby syndrome was but quickly moved onto the preparations necessary to make room for two more. I can safely say today that within days we were immersed in what life with a shaken baby entailed, our education could only be described as a crash course.
When they arrived later in the afternoon, my first impression of Anthony was this adorable little boy with the biggest, brownest eyes. Eyes that weren't currently filled with fear. My first glimpse of how our lives were about to change came as I unbundled Yahaira, she opened her eyes and my heart fell as I saw the first of many physical signs of her injuries, those beautiful brown eyes were turned in, giving her a cross eyed look. I wondered if she could even focus on me and just what she was able to see. Later the worry for her vision would increase, as I discovered more and more about shaken baby, blindness was a common occurrence, that became a fear when you added the fact that it took months for her eyes to heal and straighten. As I lifted her out of her car seat I saw her head for the first time, shaved and bandaged,misshaped and frightening. I recall looking at Betty and saying "what have I agreed to?" "how am I going to do this?" She blustered around Yahaira throwing out phrases that would become comments we heard frequently from many, during those early months. "How could this have happened?" "Who would do this?" "She's just a baby, how?" Then she looked at me and said "you can do this" my shocked look must have caused her to add "she needs you" Today I might simply add I needed her too.
Those early days, weeks, months perhaps that first year became a blur. Balancing little children with issues (by that time we had determined that Anthony too had concerns, not in a physical way but certainly in just as important ways) with our older kids, working full time, and all the rest of life stuff was perhaps a comedy in balance at best. It seemed that each week we would discover something new that had to be addressed with Yahaira. Her first night with us I was Googling Shaken Baby Syndrome, and wishing I hadn't since what I was reading was even more frightening than I could imagine. I had also spoke to the NICU at St. Marys in Rochester, not once but twice. The single sheet of discharge directions which encompassed a paragraph wasn't cutting it when it came time to clean her surgical sites. A very kind and calm nurse patiently walked me thru what needed to be done and then he calmly answered every question I could think of and even a few I hadn't thought of all the while assuring me I wouldn't kill her by my stupidity. I became determined to learn as much as I could about Shaken Baby. We were fortunate to be able to get into place quickly the early intervention program that would be so instrumental in Yahaira's recovery. When she was released the only thing the doctors knew as fact was she had brain damage. How it would present itself was at that time unknown. That first year certainly added weight to that diagnosis as her development showed delay after delay. Setback after setback. Combined with the physical delays were medical issues... this child was constantly sick. We spent so much time at clinic and ER that I wondered if we shouldn't just invite the staff to Thanksgiving dinner, they felt like family. Many late nights would be spent walking or rocking her. Kevin often jokes that Yahaira broke the record on the number of times he was puked on in a night. Him showering at 2am became common. It was often during that late night time as I rocked her,my conversations would turn towards God, this is when I dumped all the worry, the fear, the anger, this is when I tried to make sense of this situation. The worry of would she recover, and if so what would her quality of life be like. The anger that this child had not deserved what had been done to her, and yet she would carry with her thru the rest of her life the affects of those injuries. God taught me a lot during this time thru her, strength...it seemed when either of our strength wavered God sent someone to help us, determination, you could see it in her eyes, she simply never gave up, so how could we? and trust, perhaps the hardest thing to do and yet here we are 4 years later and to look at her today you wouldn't even notice the scars which is about all she carries. She tested out of the early childhood program by age two, she continues to test at her age or above how cool is that? To those who first meet her she appears normal. Never did I think Normal would be such an amazing word.
Anthony too has overcome much, he no longer receives services for his delays. He is simply a busy, happy 1st grader whose only concern is whether he is going to be able to play outside when school is done. Even tho he was 3 when he arrived, we have witnessed so many firsts in his life, from playing in the snow to learning to ride bike, First day of school, to learning to tie his shoes, and all those wonderfully ordinary days that filled that in between time.
So if you have followed this blog you know there is another little wonder that makes up this family group...she didn't arrive until the following July. Her arrival into our home was the most unexpected gift, in that she was simply ordinary, no issues, no concerns, just a little bundle of newborn wonder that every person in our family immediately fell in love with.
So today we mark the four year milestone since that phone call. To try to capture how our lives have changed seems impossible. When they first came, adoption wasn't even a word in our vocabulary. Neither were trials, lawyers, mediation or depositions. It is still rather weird to me that I can actually say I have experienced each of those things and more. We lived with fear that they could simply leave. That at this court proceeding or that hearing it could be decided that it would be in their best interest to be placed with family. So often I was asked "how do you do it? Knowing they could leave" my answer "How can we not? care for them, love them it is the least of what they deserve" as for the leaving part, I put that with God, knowing he had brought them to us and if they left, God would get us thru it. Perhaps having that fear in the background made the experience that much more treasured, we certainly learned to live in the moment, to appreciate the little and ordinary.
One year ago we moved to a place where we knew they wouldn't be leaving, that we would be the ones adopting them. I did foolishly believe that the adoption would be completed in at most a few months time. Once again I have learned that court time and my time are polar opposites. We are closer to the adoption but I hesitate to say it will be soon. I find that it is ok, God has given us the most unexpected gift when these little people came into our lives. Daily he reminds me of how amazing my life is. We have already had the most amazing 4 years with these little people. So the formality of having it finalized in the courts is at this point in time more necessary for the state and the legal side of things in our hearts they are already a part of our family.
I can count on one hand the moments that altered my life in a big way...the birth of my children, my mom's death, getting married. Big moments that shaped and formed my life and me. But that phone call wasn't a big moment, just an ordinary occurrence, perhaps the most un-ordinary thing about it was simply that it happened in the middle of the day rather than the middle of the night.
From that phone call I knew that we were receiving two children a 3 year old and a baby. The baby was diagnosed with Shaken Baby Syndrome and was being released from the hospital that day. I may have had a moments pause as I wondered just what shaken baby syndrome was but quickly moved onto the preparations necessary to make room for two more. I can safely say today that within days we were immersed in what life with a shaken baby entailed, our education could only be described as a crash course.
When they arrived later in the afternoon, my first impression of Anthony was this adorable little boy with the biggest, brownest eyes. Eyes that weren't currently filled with fear. My first glimpse of how our lives were about to change came as I unbundled Yahaira, she opened her eyes and my heart fell as I saw the first of many physical signs of her injuries, those beautiful brown eyes were turned in, giving her a cross eyed look. I wondered if she could even focus on me and just what she was able to see. Later the worry for her vision would increase, as I discovered more and more about shaken baby, blindness was a common occurrence, that became a fear when you added the fact that it took months for her eyes to heal and straighten. As I lifted her out of her car seat I saw her head for the first time, shaved and bandaged,misshaped and frightening. I recall looking at Betty and saying "what have I agreed to?" "how am I going to do this?" She blustered around Yahaira throwing out phrases that would become comments we heard frequently from many, during those early months. "How could this have happened?" "Who would do this?" "She's just a baby, how?" Then she looked at me and said "you can do this" my shocked look must have caused her to add "she needs you" Today I might simply add I needed her too.
Those early days, weeks, months perhaps that first year became a blur. Balancing little children with issues (by that time we had determined that Anthony too had concerns, not in a physical way but certainly in just as important ways) with our older kids, working full time, and all the rest of life stuff was perhaps a comedy in balance at best. It seemed that each week we would discover something new that had to be addressed with Yahaira. Her first night with us I was Googling Shaken Baby Syndrome, and wishing I hadn't since what I was reading was even more frightening than I could imagine. I had also spoke to the NICU at St. Marys in Rochester, not once but twice. The single sheet of discharge directions which encompassed a paragraph wasn't cutting it when it came time to clean her surgical sites. A very kind and calm nurse patiently walked me thru what needed to be done and then he calmly answered every question I could think of and even a few I hadn't thought of all the while assuring me I wouldn't kill her by my stupidity. I became determined to learn as much as I could about Shaken Baby. We were fortunate to be able to get into place quickly the early intervention program that would be so instrumental in Yahaira's recovery. When she was released the only thing the doctors knew as fact was she had brain damage. How it would present itself was at that time unknown. That first year certainly added weight to that diagnosis as her development showed delay after delay. Setback after setback. Combined with the physical delays were medical issues... this child was constantly sick. We spent so much time at clinic and ER that I wondered if we shouldn't just invite the staff to Thanksgiving dinner, they felt like family. Many late nights would be spent walking or rocking her. Kevin often jokes that Yahaira broke the record on the number of times he was puked on in a night. Him showering at 2am became common. It was often during that late night time as I rocked her,my conversations would turn towards God, this is when I dumped all the worry, the fear, the anger, this is when I tried to make sense of this situation. The worry of would she recover, and if so what would her quality of life be like. The anger that this child had not deserved what had been done to her, and yet she would carry with her thru the rest of her life the affects of those injuries. God taught me a lot during this time thru her, strength...it seemed when either of our strength wavered God sent someone to help us, determination, you could see it in her eyes, she simply never gave up, so how could we? and trust, perhaps the hardest thing to do and yet here we are 4 years later and to look at her today you wouldn't even notice the scars which is about all she carries. She tested out of the early childhood program by age two, she continues to test at her age or above how cool is that? To those who first meet her she appears normal. Never did I think Normal would be such an amazing word.
Anthony too has overcome much, he no longer receives services for his delays. He is simply a busy, happy 1st grader whose only concern is whether he is going to be able to play outside when school is done. Even tho he was 3 when he arrived, we have witnessed so many firsts in his life, from playing in the snow to learning to ride bike, First day of school, to learning to tie his shoes, and all those wonderfully ordinary days that filled that in between time.
So if you have followed this blog you know there is another little wonder that makes up this family group...she didn't arrive until the following July. Her arrival into our home was the most unexpected gift, in that she was simply ordinary, no issues, no concerns, just a little bundle of newborn wonder that every person in our family immediately fell in love with.
So today we mark the four year milestone since that phone call. To try to capture how our lives have changed seems impossible. When they first came, adoption wasn't even a word in our vocabulary. Neither were trials, lawyers, mediation or depositions. It is still rather weird to me that I can actually say I have experienced each of those things and more. We lived with fear that they could simply leave. That at this court proceeding or that hearing it could be decided that it would be in their best interest to be placed with family. So often I was asked "how do you do it? Knowing they could leave" my answer "How can we not? care for them, love them it is the least of what they deserve" as for the leaving part, I put that with God, knowing he had brought them to us and if they left, God would get us thru it. Perhaps having that fear in the background made the experience that much more treasured, we certainly learned to live in the moment, to appreciate the little and ordinary.
One year ago we moved to a place where we knew they wouldn't be leaving, that we would be the ones adopting them. I did foolishly believe that the adoption would be completed in at most a few months time. Once again I have learned that court time and my time are polar opposites. We are closer to the adoption but I hesitate to say it will be soon. I find that it is ok, God has given us the most unexpected gift when these little people came into our lives. Daily he reminds me of how amazing my life is. We have already had the most amazing 4 years with these little people. So the formality of having it finalized in the courts is at this point in time more necessary for the state and the legal side of things in our hearts they are already a part of our family.
1 comment:
How sad their journey had been but thank God it led them to you! We're looking forward to seeing and hearing about the extraordinary things they do!
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