It's just what we do..

Those were the words Beckie said to me the other day. She was telling me about her day, about one class in particular. In her interviewing class, they had to be interviewed by a fellow student in front of the class for 3 minutes. One question asked was why she had learned to speak Spanish.. her answer in part was to help communicate with some of the foster kids we have had in our home. Beckie said after that every question asked had to do with foster care. She then said her interview went well beyond the three minutes, I just couldn't believe how interested she was. I mentioned that to most people foster care is hard to imagine. "I guess" she said but I suppose since I grew up with it, it just seems normal. Then she says the professor asked if anyone else had questions for Beckie. "Mom" she says "I had to answer questions for another 30 minutes... I couldn't believe it!" So what did they ask I wondered...everything she said, how long we had been doing it, didn't we get attached, what was the most we had, then she laughs and said " well right now we have 6" silence mom total silence. (Yeah Beckie I notice that reaction often) and then later someone asked if I had any brothers and sisters, and when I said yes, someone said in a shocked voice there are 9 kids in your family... Totally loved hearing her laughter and her reply of "guess that is kinda weird to most people" (you think? it's kinda weird to me) So she said someone suggested we should take my family on as a service project, maybe we could sign them up to have rooms added on or something. I was very quick to interrupt with a "no! Beckie we don't want anything added on to our house, dear God the county would only fill it with more children" she laughed and said "yeah your right, I did tell them we really didn't need anything like that" someone said what does your family need, (I cringed wondering what her reply would be to that, psychological help? drugs?) she said "we could always use some babysitters" Oh good answer Beckie, very good answer!
That conversation was amazing to me in several ways but perhaps the most important was simply that I realized she had grown up "normal" and accepting of a life I had chosen. Deciding to become a foster parent isn't a decision that just affects you, it affects your entire family, including your extended family. We always approached this that kids brought to us wouldn't be guests but simply members of our family. Over the years I often wondered what that did to my kids, you never knew when a new child would arrive and of course you never knew how long they would stay, and yet I expected our kids to treat them as another sibling, include them and share all parts of their life with them, their home, their parents, their grandparents, their toys. A lot to ask...and often I worried that I might simply be setting them up to hate me for the life I forced on them or at the very least they would need therapy just to straighten themselves out from the life they had lived. Not to mention the attachment and then the loss when a child left..it is quite simply like dealing with a death, and here I was choosing to put not just myself thru it but my kids also. Overriding all that was my need to help, and to in some small way make a difference in a child's life, and so I just prayed that my kids would somehow get it, and understand the bigger picture. Guess they did get it...oh they rebelled, would have worried if they hadn't but, with a maturity beyond their years they seemed to understand. that is the greatest gift. There is much my children have learned, things that as a parent I couldn't have taught them...you aren't going to not feed your child just to teach them what it's like to go hungry, nor are you going to live out of your car to show them what homeless means...these things and more my kids experienced simply by a child coming into our home. I believe it opened their eyes and minds to what is beyond their immediate life. Today two of my kids are going into fields that directly work with children in need, so cool! the youngest well I'm curious to see what she does, she was in a word a rebel, often not pleased with the addition of a new person into our lives...she doesn't do change well. Perhaps she will be a foster parent one day? now that would be poetic. I have been blessed with three amazing children who accepted the life I chose, who accepted my answer of "it's just what we do" to all those questions of why this child or that was currently in our home, who took what they grew up with and became adults who reach out to another, accepting, and willing to help. That is so very very cool,and makes this mom very proud.