saying goodbye...

Beckie and Goldie 1999

Goldie 1997

Reyna and Goldie 2011
For 14 years she was a part of our home, our family. We hadn't planned to have any pets,
but after a visit from my sister in early 1997 we had a dog and a cat.
The kids were thrilled. She was suppose to be an outside dog, that changed after a very cold January 10 years ago
She was amazing with kids, amazing. Patient, and protective.
Her name was one of the first that Reyna said, and every puppy is now Goldie to her.
We have known for a few years that things were getting harder for her, age was catching up, and yet she continued to surprise us
Last Monday (May 23rd) that changed...she had a seizure or a stroke which left her unable to walk, and as we watched her and hoped that this too she would come out of ok,it soon became apparent it wasn't going to go that way. When Beckie arrived (it had always been her dog from the start) She and kevin took Goldie to the vet. Nothing could be done except to say goodbye, something we weren't quite ready to do.
A day filled with tears and those unexpected moments that signal a new normal....
putting down a plate of scraps after dinner only to discover the full plate still there later
reyna walking around the house calling for Goldie in a puzzled voice
the quiet in the evening as I adjusted to the night without her sounds
a week later
and we continue to adjust
(how amazing is it that we were blessed with a pet that filled our lives in such a complete way?)
one child whispering to me before they go to sleep " I miss goldie"
the water and food bowls sitting...waiting
her dog collar hanging part way out of Beckie's purse
a glance down the dog food aisle and realizing with sadness I won't have to buy that anymore
I never wanted a pet, often grumbled about the dog hair and cleanup generated by that dog
and yet I watched kid after kid hug her, run with her, love her and knew she was a gift to this family.
wishing we would have a little more time to say goodbye,
knowing it would never have been enough.